Murphy`s Laws

Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules

General laws

·         It takes forever to learn the rules and once you've learned them they change again.

·         If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong

·         If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something

·         Things get worse under pressure.

·         When something goes wrong, you cannot find the solution in the instruction booklet, but someone else always does.

·         Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.

·         Everything goes wrong all at once

·         Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value

·         In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ...something is wrong.

·         When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

·         Nothing is as easy as it looks.

·         You will find an easy way to do it, after you've finished doing it.

·         Everything takes longer than you think

·         Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.

·         Every solution breeds new problems.

·         The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

·         A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.

·         A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it

·         After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll find the original

·         No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

·         The other line always moves faster.

·         In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.

·         Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought

·         When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.

·         Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.

·         In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there

·         "Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.

·         Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want.

·         If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it.

·         Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again

·         Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.

·         When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the light at the end of the tunnel is a train

·         the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions

·         Chaos always wins, because it's better organized

·         When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.

·         Cheer up, the worst is yet to come...

·         The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry around with you all day.

·         The road to success is always under construction

Love laws

·         Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant. (This constant is always zero.)

·         Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position

·         The good ones die first.

·         Love takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble

·         Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.

·         A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.

·         There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

·         When a man wants his wife to hear, she doesn't listen.
When that same man doesn't want his wife to hear, she's all ears.

·         Before falling in love do take your backup, it always helps in recovery.

·         The uglier the girl/boy the closer s/he lives

·         Love is blind. Marriage is an eye opener

·         A good women/men are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken.

·         Any "Why" question, has no answer, and if it does, that answer is not logical

·         The person you want the most will end up with the person you hate the most.

Technical & Computer laws

·         A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

·         No matter how hard you work, the boss will only appear when you access the internet.

·         An expert is someone brought in at the last minute to share the blame

·         The faster you need a hardcopy, the more people will be using the only office printer

·         You will always discover errors in your work after you have printed/submitted it.

·         When the Downloading Window says "99%complete", there will be a fluctuation in the voltage and you'll have to start all over again

·         The probability of forgetting your password is directly proportional to the frequency of changing it.

·         If you forget to save you're work every 5 minutes, it will break down after you've been at it for an hour

·         The troubleshooting guide contains the answer to every problem except yours

·         A program is good when it's bug free - which is impossible.

·         The only program that runs perfectly every time, is a virus

·         No matter what problem you have with your computer - Its Always Microsoft's fault. If its not their fault - Blame them anyway :-)

·         The hard drive on your computer will only crash when it contains vital information that has not been backed up.

·         A patch is a piece of software which replaces old bugs with new bugs

·         Computers don't make errors-What they do they do on purpose.

·         A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

·         for any given software, the moment you manage to master it, a new version of that software appears

·         If you need to shutdown your PC ASAP, It will restart. The quickest way to shutdown a PC is to unplug it.

·         Walking on water and developing software to specification are easy as long as both are frozen

·         No matter how good of a deal you get on computer components, the price will always drop immediately after the purchase.

·         A failure in a device will never appear until it has passed final inspection

·         In a transistor circuit protected by a fuse, the transistor will always blow to protect the fuse

·         The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

·         Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development

·         Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.

·         The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management

·         If you are not thoroughly confused, you have not been thoroughly informed

·         No matter how clever and complete your research is, there is always someone who knows more.

·         Any wire cut to length will be too short.

·         The less intelligent the idea, and the person stating it, the more likely it will be funded.

·         If you think you understand science (or computers or women), you're clearly not an expert

·         Technicians are the only ones that don't trust technology

·         All impossible failures will happen on the clients desktop

·         All things mechanical/electrical will catastrophically fail after the guarantee has expired, unless an extended guarantee has been purchased.

Office Laws

·         The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time

·         A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants

·         Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted

·         An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor

·         It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you say you're going to do.

·         After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. i.e. Expenses rise to exceed income

·         Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.

·         When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

·         Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous

·         To err is human, to forgive is not company policy

·         The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired

·         There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

·         The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization.

·         If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

·         You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

·         People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't

·         When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

·         You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like

·         No matter how much you do, you never do enough

·         The longer the title, the less important the job.

·         All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.

·         Success is a matter of luck, just ask any failure

·         The person at the meeting or discussion who is right will be the person who is not listened and will later be blamed for coming up with the bad idea.

·         If you have a little extra money to blow, something will break, and cost more than that little extra.

·         If you don't want it, there is plenty of it; If you really need it, they're all out of it

·         All urgent and critical reports are handed out on Friday evening and are due first thing Monday morning.

·         Excess of analysis causes paralysis

·         One learns at least as much about management from poor managers as from good ones.

·         The more complicated the job is the less time and useful information you will be given

When you need the money, your shift is cancelled; when you have a weekend planned, you have to do overtime