Monday, March 30, 2009

Daily Tips and Tricks Special Delivery - Microsoft

Post Type :

For Microsoft Office Outlook 2007

Get the Right People in a Meeting from the Start
You can clearly indicate in a meeting request who is required for a meeting and who is only optional.
1. In the meeting request, click Invite Attendees and add all relevant names (including the conference room if applicable).
2. After the names have been resolved, click Scheduling.
3. For each name, determine Required or Optional status by clicking the small red arrow next to each name.
4. Indicate the conference room as a resource (and it will be automatically added as the meeting location).
Also be sure to include the meeting agenda in the invitation, rather than in a separate e-mail message.

Microsoft Office Outlook 2007

For Microsoft Office Word 2007

Microsoft Office Word 2007

Pre-define the Format for Pasting in Word 2007
In a Microsoft Office Word 2003 document, each time you paste some text or an image, you can select the format (source formatting, destination formatting, or text only) by clicking the clipboard icon. In Microsoft Office Word 2007 and Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, you can still do this manually or, more conveniently, set the default paste formatting mode. Here’s how:
Go to Advanced Options or click the Set Default Paste option when the clipboard icon appears, and then set your preferences. The pasted text and images will now be formatted automatically according to your settings.


For Microsoft Office Excel 2007

Enter a Fraction in a Cell
Microsoft Office Excel can display, and take data entry as, fractions as well as decimal numbers. To enter a fraction, simply prefix it with a zero and a space. So to display the fraction one-third, type 0 1/3. This will display 1/3 but will have an underlying value of 0.33333333.

Microsoft Office Excel 2007

For Microsoft Office Outlook 2007

Using the To-Do Bar
You can organize your daily activities by using the new To-Do Bar in Microsoft Office Outlook. The To-Do Bar, located on the right side of your Outlook Inbox, brings together tasks, calendar information, and e-mail messages flagged for follow-up into one view. Now you don’t need to switch back and forth between your Inbox, diary, and task list.

Microsoft Office Outlook 2007

For Microsoft Office Excel 2007

Microsoft Office Excel 2007

Create Random Numbers
Sometimes it's useful to have random numbers in a Microsoft Office Excel spreadsheet—even if it's just for creating test data. To put a random number in a cell, type the formula =RAND(). For bulk random numbering, copy that formula to a large number of cells—each will be random.


For Microsoft Office Word 2007

Reuse Tables in Word
To save a table in Microsoft Office Word for reuse in the future:
1. Select the table that you want to save.
2. On the Insert tab of the Ribbon, click Table, point to Quick Tables, and then click Save Selection to Quick Tables Gallery.
3. In the Create New Building Block dialog box, give the table a name, classify it with some basic parameters, and then click OK.
To reuse a saved table:
1. Position your cursor where you want to insert a saved table.
2. On the Ribbon, click Insert, click Table, and then point to Quick Tables.
3. From the list, click the table you saved previously. This table will now be inserted into the document.

Microsoft Office Word 2007

For Microsoft Office Access 2007

Microsoft Office Access 2007

Creating Forms
To assist with data entry, Microsoft Office Access 2007 offers different types of forms. To create a simple form:
1. Open the table that has the fields you want to include in your form.
2. On the Ribbon, on the Create tab, click Form.
The split form is new to Office Access 2007, and it enables you to see both a datasheet view of your data and a traditional form view of your data at the same time. You can use the splitter bar to adjust the size of the datasheet.


For Microsoft Office Outlook 2007

Dragging Your Files to Outlook
When you select a file and drag it to Microsoft Office Outlook, the action that Outlook takes depends on which folder you place the file in. If you drag the file to the Tasks folder, Outlook will create a new task with your file attached. If you drag it to the Calendar folder, Outlook will create an appointment where you placed the file, and your file will be attached. If you drag it to the Mail folder, Outlook will create a new e-mail message with your file as an attachment.

Microsoft Office Outlook 2007

For Microsoft Office PowerPoint 2007

Microsoft Office PowerPoint 2007

Add More Levels of Undo
You can go back farther in Microsoft Office PowerPoint to undo actions.
1. With PowerPoint open, click the Office button, and then click PowerPoint Options.
2. On the Advanced tab, change the Maximum number of undos from the default 20 to any number from 3 to 150.


For Microsoft Office Visio 2007

Generate a PivotDiagram from Excel Data
In Microsoft Office Visio Professional 2007, you can now generate a PivotDiagram from data such as a Microsoft Office Excel worksheet. A PivotDiagram has very similar functionality to an Excel PivotTable, but it displays your data graphically.
To generate a Visio 2007 PivotDiagram, on the File menu, point to New, then point to Business, and then click PivotDiagram. Follow the wizard steps to select your data and generate your PivotDiagram page.
If your source data is in an Excel 2007 table, you can generate the page even more quickly from Excel. To do this, click in the Excel 2007 table and then, on the Table Tools Format tab, click Export, and then click Export Table to Visio PivotDiagram. After the diagram page is set up, click in the PivotDiagram pane to add categories or values to your diagram, and Visio automatically generates the shapes with applicable data.

Microsoft Office Visio 2007

Side by Side

2003 vs 2007 Side by Side

2003 to 2007 Document Information Panel
When you pause your mouse on your document in Windows Explorer, does it list the author as someone you worked with five years ago? If you started with an existing document, the document property information is probably out of date. With Microsoft Office 2003 documents, most people don't take the time to right-click the file in Windows Explorer, click Properties, and then edit the document information. With the Document Information Panel in Microsoft Office Enterprise 2007 and Office Professional Plus 2007, you can edit document properties directly in the program.
1. Click the Office button, and then click Prepare.
2. Click Properties. The Document Information Panel appears below the Ribbon.
3. Enter the appropriate information and save the document.
Keep in mind, search engines like the ones included in Windows Vista and Microsoft Office SharePoint Server 2007 use document properties to deliver search results that are more relevant. So if you want to make something easier to find, make sure your document properties are up to date.


For Microsoft Office Outlook 2007

Choose a Signature for Different Recipients in Microsoft Office Outlook 2007
If you want to use a different e-mail signature for different recipients (a different one for coworkers than for customers, for example), you can change your signature with two mouse clicks. Right-click your signature, and then click the other signature that you want to use.

Microsoft Office Outlook 2007

For Windows Vista

Windows Vista

Windows Update
Windows Vista tracks your system and can be configured to automatically install important updates at a time that is convenient for you.
1. Click Start, and then click Control Panel.
2. Under Security, click Check for updates.
3. Click Change Settings in the left navigation pane.
4. Enter your desired configuration.


For Microsoft Office Excel 2007

Zooming to Fit a Selection
1. Select the range of cells that you want to focus on.
2. Click the View tab, and then click Zoom to Selection.

Microsoft Office Excel 2007

For Microsoft Office Word 2007

Microsoft Office Word 2007

Create Tables to Your Own Specifications
Want to add a table with specific dimensions to your Word document? Here’s how:
1. Position the cursor on the area of the document where you want to insert your table.
2. On the Insert tab of the Ribbon, click Table, and then click Draw Table.
3. Define the table size. Right-click to select the area where you want the table to appear.
4. Use the mouse to draw the internal table lines the way you want them. To erase any lines you've drawn by mistake, press the SHIFT key, and the pointer will change from a pencil to an eraser.
Note: The design tools in Microsoft Office Word 2007 give you plenty more features—for example, the ability to create other tables within those you've already designed.

For Microsoft Office Excel 2007

Microsoft Office Excel 2007

Copying a Worksheet
Here’s how to copy a worksheet to another place in your Excel workbook:
1. Click the tab of the worksheet that you want to copy.
2. Leave your mouse pointer on the tab.
3. Press and hold down the CTRL key.
4. Press and hold down your left mouse button and drag the worksheet that you want to copy to the left or right. Watch for the little black arrowhead that follows your mouse pointer as you drag left or right.
5. When you release the mouse button, Microsoft Office Excel inserts a copy of the worksheet where the arrowhead is pointing.

For the 2007 Microsoft Office system

The 2007 Microsoft Office system

Customize Your Quick Access Toolbar
In each 2007 Microsoft Office system program where you see the Ribbon (Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Access, and parts of Outlook), you also see a Quick Access Toolbar, which appears by default above the Ribbon, beside the Office button. To add the commands you use most to the Quick Access Toolbar in each program, right-click a command on the Ribbon, and then click Add to Quick Access Toolbar. You can also click the arrow that appears at the right edge of the Quick Access Toolbar, and then click More Commands to open the Customize tab of the Options dialog box for the program you are using. In this box you can add commands that don’t appear on the Ribbon, or create a custom Quick Access Toolbar for an individual document or template.


For Microsoft Office Outlook 2007

Use Search to Find E-Mail Messages
In Microsoft Office Outlook, e-mail search helps you locate messages by keyword or phrase. You can also use search folders to find mail by type of message.
To locate specific keywords or phrases within e-mail messages:
Type a word or phrase in the Search box at the top of your Outlook Inbox. The search starts automatically as soon as you stop typing. Search results will appear in the main window of your Inbox. To return to your normal Inbox, click Clear Search (the green ×) to the right of the Search box.
You can enable search folders from the mail pane on the left of your Inbox. To expand the folders tree, click Search Folders. Outlook comes with three default search folders: For Follow Up, Large Mail, and Unread Mail.
To add new search folders, click File, point to New, and then click Search Folder.
To build a custom search folder:
1. Click Search Folder, and then either click a predefined folder name, or scroll down and click Create a custom Search Folder.
2. Click Choose, give the new folder a name, and then click Criteria to fill in the search terms.

Microsoft Office Outlook 2007

Sunday, March 29, 2009

World Air Traffic one minute video

This is a fascinating one-minute video...
It is a 24-hour observation of all of the large aircraft flights in the world (recorded by the airplane flight transponders via Geo-stationary orbital satellites) patched together and condensed to about a minute, i.e., you watch 24 hours of flights compressed into one minute.
You can see it is summer in the north by the location of sunlight on the planet.
With this 24-hour observation of aircraft travel on the earth's surface, we also get to see the daylight pattern move across the planet.
Notice the reduction of activity in each region during the darkness of late night/early morning.

From: Nusrat Rehan Mazhary

20090321 - Hiking on Trail 5 in Margala Hills

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

ATM Theft ~ Real Video (Bank Al-Habib Gulshan Branch)

Post Type :

This is the real movie of theft at ATM Machine of Bank Al-Habib (Gulshan Branch Karachi). Please be aware and enter only after observing your surroundings, because you can be the next victim. The security is not so alert that they would come to help you within seconds.

Next time, be careful while using the ATM Machine.

From: Akbar Ali Syed

20090308 - Fort Rutaas

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Stress Relievers

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."


BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped  him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry  tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Family problem

Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversation. After a while one of them said, 'You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married.

Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson.

Also my wife became mother in-law of her father-in-law- Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother had a son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson.

That made me the grandfather of my half brother. This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the sister of my son, my mother-in-law, is also the grandmother.

This makes my father the brother-in law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife.

I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my own grandfather and you think you have family problems!'

From: "™† M@§tê® 0f Pé®fëçtíön †™"

Stuff To Ponder

If "Con" is the Opposite of "Pro"....then what is the opposite of PROGRESS?

Why is LEMON JUICE mostly artificial ingredients....
but DISH WASHING LIQUID contains real lemons?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

s/w Eng must b up-to-date

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who
used to develop programs on his Pentium machine,
sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used
to earn his bread by selling those programs in the
Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off
the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the
story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe),
he started praying to the River goddess.
The River goddess wanted to test him and so appeared
only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer
told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the goddess wanted to test his honesty. She
showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your
computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of
computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and
asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No,
not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and
asked if it was his. The engineer, left with no
option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was
about to give him all three items, but before she
could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't
you know that you're supposed to show me some better
computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know
that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed
you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the
latest computers from IBM!". So saying, she
disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology
trends, it's better keep your mouth shut and let
people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and
remove all doubt.

The Adventures of Sardar Ji

Sardarji went to party with his wife , son & daughter and introduced his family to his friends.

I am Sardar and this is sardarney, this is my kid and this is my kidney.


Sardar 2 Salesman :- I Need Pink curtains for my computer.

Salesman : Sardarji Computer Doesnt Need Curtains.

Sardarji : Oye i have windows installed


Nurse: Sardarji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!!

Sardar: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!!


1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who

cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who

doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who cares 4 you always and

whom u like to be with when u r alone





the last 'n' most imp. one.................









5. It's very, very important that these four women don't

know each other

The Funniest Matrimonial Adz


Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motor boat.


Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!


I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.


Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.

IT Consultant

Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.

Business Man

Wife wanted for company.


I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society................. (etc etc and never getting to the point)

Car Dealer

Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.


I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever


Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!


Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service


Required a girl - 5'8". She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.

Mini Cab Driver

Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary, but maps reading skills are a bonus.


Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.


I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.

Army Commando

My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided

Race Car Driver

A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!


I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world

The Perfect Husband

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club after a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly, a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

HUSBAND - "Hello?"

WIFE - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

HUSBAND - "Yes."

WIFE - "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where

you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

HUSBAND - "What's the price?"

WIFE - "Only $1,000."

HUSBAND - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."

WIFE - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2004 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

HUSBAND - "What price did he quote you?"

WIFE - "Only $60,000..."

HUSBAND - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WIFE - "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."

HUSBAND - "What?"

WIFE - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and..I visited with the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area."

HUSBAND - "How much are they asking?"

WIFE - "Only $850,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

HUSBAND - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $820,000.OK?"

WIFE - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

HUSBAND - "Bye...I love you too..."

The man hangs up and closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks, "Whose cell phone is this anyway?"

Things married guys know and bachelors should know

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a

bad one, you'll become a philosopher. --Socrates


Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.



I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.



"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the

second one didn't." --Patrick Murray


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny



A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --Milton



Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

What is Marketing?

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say,  "I am very rich. Marry me!"

Direct  Marketing


You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,

"He's very rich. Marry him."




You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get  her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich.  Marry me."


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and  straighten your tie; you walk up to her
You open the  door for her,

pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then  say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"


Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to  you and says, "You are very rich, I want to marry you."

Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and  say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. 


Customer Feedback

What The Doctor Really Means

"Well, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.

"Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Let me schedule you for some lab tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that really needs to be cured.

"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. Hope it works...

"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Story of a Perfect couple…

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was,of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?





Scroll down for the answer.....






The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

**** Women stop reading here, this is the end of the joke.

**** Men keep scrolling.

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

Men Keep scrolling

By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point:

Women never listen.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Who Is More Stupid ?

Two rich men were talking of their drivers when one of them said, "Hey, I tell you my driver is really stupid. Let me show you that." And he called for Banta, his driver. "Banta, here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes," he ordered.

>"Yes Sir! Right away," Banta replied and rushed off to the showroom.

>"See, I told you," said the rich man.

>To this, the other man said, "That's nothing, I will show you how

>stupid my driver is." And he called his driver, Santa Singh. "Santa, go home now and check to see if I'm at home," he ordered. "Yes Sir! Right away," and ran home.

>"See, didn't I tell you," said the man, "He doesn't even have the

>brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."

>Santa and Banta bump into each other on the road. "Eh, you know my boss is so stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes.... Doesn't he know that today is Sunday?

>The showroom is closed," said Santa. "Well, this is nothing, my boss is even worse. He asked me to go home to check if he is at home....He's got a cell phone, right, can't he just call home and check for himself!" replied Banta.

Mere Payare Allah Mian…

Post Type :
merey_payarey-01 merey_payarey-02 merey_payarey-03  merey_payarey-05

You are addicted to the internet when …

  • You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 2.01or higher”

  • You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives

  • When looking at a page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple

  • Your dog has its own home page

  • You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem

  • Your phone bill makes your dad go crazy

  • You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL

  • You wake up at to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed

  • You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off

  • You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one

  • Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before

  • Your mother says communication is important in a you ask her for another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat

You know you're living in 2004 when.....

2.You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3.You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4.You e-mail your friend who works at the desk next to you.

5.Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

6.When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

8.You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

11.Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

13.You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.

14.As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends".

15.You got this e-mail from a friend that never talks to you any more except to send you jokes from the net.

Words From Famous Women

*"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" --

Linda Ellerbee


*"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." --

Elayne Boosler


*"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." --

Hedy Lamarr


*"There are two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works."



*"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." --

Maryon Pearson

Women's Language Translated

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry.

We need... = I want

It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want... = You’ll pay for this later.

We need to talk... = I need to complain Sure...go ahead = I don’t want you to.

I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset!

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = ...and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like.

I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

Am I fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you’re dead.

Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

In response to What’s wrong?:

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

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