This is a fascinating one-minute video...
It is a 24-hour observation of all of the large aircraft flights in the world (recorded by the airplane flight transponders via Geo-stationary orbital satellites) patched together and condensed to about a minute, i.e., you watch 24 hours of flights compressed into one minute.
You can see it is summer in the north by the location of sunlight on the planet.
With this 24-hour observation of aircraft travel on the earth's surface, we also get to see the daylight pattern move across the planet.
Notice the reduction of activity in each region during the darkness of late night/early morning.
From: Nusrat Rehan Mazhary
This is the real movie of theft at ATM Machine of Bank Al-Habib (Gulshan Branch Karachi). Please be aware and enter only after observing your surroundings, because you can be the next victim. The security is not so alert that they would come to help you within seconds.
Next time, be careful while using the ATM Machine.
From: Akbar Ali Syed
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversation. After a while one of them said, 'You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married.
Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson.
Also my wife became mother in-law of her father-in-law- Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother had a son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson.
That made me the grandfather of my half brother. This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the sister of my son, my mother-in-law, is also the grandmother.
This makes my father the brother-in law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife.
I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my own grandfather and you think you have family problems!'
From: "™† M@§tê® 0f Pé®fëçtíön †™"
If "Con" is the Opposite of "Pro"....then what is the opposite of PROGRESS?
Why is LEMON JUICE mostly artificial ingredients....
but DISH WASHING LIQUID contains real lemons?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who
used to develop programs on his Pentium machine,
sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used
to earn his bread by selling those programs in the
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off
the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the
story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe),
he started praying to the River goddess.
The River goddess wanted to test him and so appeared
only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer
told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the goddess wanted to test his honesty. She
showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your
computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of
computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and
asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No,
not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and
asked if it was his. The engineer, left with no
option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was
about to give him all three items, but before she
could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't
you know that you're supposed to show me some better
computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know
that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed
you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the
latest computers from IBM!". So saying, she
disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology
trends, it's better keep your mouth shut and let
people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and
remove all doubt.
Sardarji went to party with his wife , son & daughter and introduced his family to his friends.
I am Sardar and this is sardarney, this is my kid and this is my kidney.
Sardar 2 Salesman :- I Need Pink curtains for my computer.
Salesman : Sardarji Computer Doesnt Need Curtains.
Sardarji : Oye i have windows installed
Nurse: Sardarji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!!
Sardar: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!!
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who
cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who
doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who cares 4 you always and
whom u like to be with when u r alone
the last 'n' most imp. one.................
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't
know each other
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club after a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.
Suddenly, a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
HUSBAND - "Hello?"
WIFE - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
HUSBAND - "Yes."
WIFE - "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where
you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
HUSBAND - "What's the price?"
WIFE - "Only $1,000."
HUSBAND - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
WIFE - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2004 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
HUSBAND - "What price did he quote you?"
WIFE - "Only $60,000..."
HUSBAND - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WIFE - "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."
HUSBAND - "What?"
WIFE - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and..I visited with the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area."
HUSBAND - "How much are they asking?"
WIFE - "Only $850,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
HUSBAND - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $820,000.OK?"
WIFE - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
HUSBAND - "Bye...I love you too..."
The man hangs up and closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks, "Whose cell phone is this anyway?"
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher. --Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the
second one didn't." --Patrick Murray
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --MiltonBerle
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
GENERAL EQUATIONS & ST ATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her You open the door for her,
pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich, I want to marry you."
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
"Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that really needs to be cured.
"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. Hope it works...
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was,of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer.....
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
**** Women stop reading here, this is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
Men Keep scrolling
By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point:
Women never listen.
Two rich men were talking of their drivers when one of them said, "Hey, I tell you my driver is really stupid. Let me show you that." And he called for Banta, his driver. "Banta, here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes," he ordered.
>"Yes Sir! Right away," Banta replied and rushed off to the showroom.
>"See, I told you," said the rich man.
>To this, the other man said, "That's nothing, I will show you how
>stupid my driver is." And he called his driver, Santa Singh. "Santa, go home now and check to see if I'm at home," he ordered. "Yes Sir! Right away," and ran home.
>"See, didn't I tell you," said the man, "He doesn't even have the
>brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."
>Santa and Banta bump into each other on the road. "Eh, you know my boss is so stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes.... Doesn't he know that today is Sunday?
>The showroom is closed," said Santa. "Well, this is nothing, my boss is even worse. He asked me to go home to check if he is at home....He's got a cell phone, right, can't he just call home and check for himself!" replied Banta.
2.You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3.You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4.You e-mail your friend who works at the desk next to you.
5.Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
6.When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
8.You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
11.Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
13.You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14.As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends".
15.You got this e-mail from a friend that never talks to you any more except to send you jokes from the net.
*"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." --
*"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." --
*"There are two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works."
*"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." --Maryon Pearson
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry.
We need... = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want... = You’ll pay for this later.
We need to talk... = I need to complain Sure...go ahead = I don’t want you to.
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset!
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = ...and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like.
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Am I fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you’re dead.
Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
In response to What’s wrong?:
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything